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Tales of Robin Hood


Agro-Evil comes to Sherwood

"Ey up," said Robin, waking up with a hangover. "Allan-A-Dale's practising again." The minstrel was trying to get his latest ballad to rhyme and failing miserably.

"So gather you round and I will hold forth.
About a wizard called Pusztai who lives right up North.
He crossed a snowdrop with a potato to kill the greenfly.
But the rats ate it all and their guts shrivelled up by and by."

"That's a good idea," said Little John. "It's about time someone invented a rat poison that works." Everyone agreed.

"Yer all a right load of idiots," said Marian, sweetly. "They want to feed these potatoes to the peasants."

"They're going to plant magic oil seed rape out in the middle of Sherwood Forest," said Friar Tuck, "at Meden Vale, just 2 miles North-West of the Major Oak.

"It's that Baron Agro-Evil from King's Lynn. He planted some last year at Kneeton, just over the Trent.

"He's just like that even bigger badder Baron Monsanto-Dioxin. He says that wherever the magic pollen falls that will be his crop, and the peasants will have to pay him for it. Then there's some that's sterile so nothing will come up when you plant it next year."

"We've got to stop them," said Much the Miller. "I've heard about a group called Genetix Snowball. They go out in broad daylight to dig it up. But first they tell the Sheriff when they are going to do it."

"That won't catch on here," said Little John. "I say let's go and dig it up at night, and don't tell the Sheriff."

"That won't stop them," said Marian. "They'll just do it more secretly."

"We'll have to warn all the peasants not to have anything to do with it," said Robin.

So that's what they did. And they all lived happily ever after. Or did they?

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Last updated: 31 March 1999